Movie Review: Oceans 13

“So… We’ll put a bunch of really famous guys (yeah, this is a guy-movie, the female lead is nowhere NEAR as famous as the male leads) and another bunch of kind-of-famous actors. And we’ll let them wear a bunch of designer clothes, cool gizmos and set it all in Las Vegas. And the rest will solve itself.”

“Don’t you need a script, Mr Rich & Crazy Producer, sorry, Mr Weintraub?”

“Quiet, you! The rest will solve itself!!!”

“Still, Sir, won’t the public demand an understandable story, some action, some romance, some comedy or even some excitement?”

“They didn’t demand any of those things in the previous movies, did they? As the normal audience is to dumb to understand even the most basic movie, it’s no use even to try to write a logic and understandable story”.

“But… what about the reviewers? Won’t they spot this obvious lame attempt at just earning money from celebrities?”

“No, and even if they do, we’ll make it blatantly obvious that we would like to bribe them, in fact, let’s make the suffering and later rich rewards of the reviewer an entire story arc!”

“You are brilliant, Sir!”

“Let’s get high and drive while intoxicated to celebrate my brilliance, the Hollywood way!”

Now, to be honest, I MIGHT have made up the conversation above. At least the last quite about brilliance and driving. But I have a feeling that the something along those lines must have been uttered at some time during the process of making Oceans 13. It is a horrible movie. To long, to dumb, to far from being even slightly reasonable. And such a HUGE cock-fest (I am referring to roosters, stop having such a dirty mind) that it is simply amazing that this kind of crap gets made at all, let alone on a major release.

Verdict: Don’t see. Seriously.